Dear Iris,

A few weeks ago someone talked to me about you. It completely caught me off guard. “You have 4 kids, right? Or you would have 4 with your baby girl. She was so beautiful with snow-white skin and dark black hair. Oh, and those chubby, bright  red little cheeks.” She said it with such joy, without so much as a flinch. I was glad I was wearing my sunglasses because they served to cover my eyes filled with tears. I must admit, I was almost too afraid to blink in fear they’d escape. My tears were not of sorrow, nor of pain. No, they were much more beautiful than that. They were tears of joy. Someone else still remembers you.  I’m not used to people mentioning you. Not many people do. I suppose people don’t really know what to say regarding you. I’ll sometimes bring you up in conversation, although I’ve learned not to. It makes them uncomfortable. We went on to talk about you for a bit.

I mentioned how much my sweet little surprise, your baby brother, Josiah, is the one whom most resembles you. Sometimes, when he sleeps I stare at him, and if I stare at him long enough I can almost catch a glimpse of what you would look like at age 5.

Your little sister, Isabella, thinks of you often. It’s interesting on how someone who never met you can love you so much. She wishes we could have kept you, but I always remind her God’s ways are higher. She knows you rest in the arms our Savior. Daddy asked for us to give her your middle name. She was so amazed the day she realized you two had that in common! Jizelle.

I remember how after I’d lost you I felt this overwhelming restlessness to fill my arms with your tiny, chubby little body. I was so desperate for you. I was ready for a baby. I was a mom without a baby to nurture and care for. I thank God for sending me the sweetest little baby boy, Isaiah. I kinda feel like you hand-picked him just for us. He was the perfect little baby and is the most caring little person I’ve ever met. He, too, loves you and thinks of you often.

I know you are well. If I chose to write you this letter it is simply to say I love you. I have not forgotten you. I think about you all of the time. I wish for you all of the time. I miss you all of the time. I am forever grateful to God for gracing me with your life, even if it was for just a moment. You taught me so much more than anyone could ever teach me. God used you to teach me how to love. Love deeply, full-heartedly, and selflessly.

With so much love,

Mommy