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Losing Iris

There is pain that runs so deep that not even the arms of your most loved ones serve to fully comfort it. Only the Lord could mend such broken heart. I remember the nights after losing Iris as the longest most painful nights of my life. I couldn’t sleep. My heart was consumed with grief and sorrow. I longed to hold her, to keep her, raise and her and watch her grow.

It’s been almost 12 years now that I was blessed with the most beautiful little angel. To a healthy 7 lb. 3 oz. baby girl; except that she was born sleeping. She was my first-born and I was completely devastated. It’s the hardest thing in world to walk into a hospital full of hopes and dreams for the baby you carry in your womb and leave with empty arms, empty dreams and a broken heart. Sometimes God allows things to happen that are not within our control. For some reason, he chose this for her and for me. My husband became such a strong tower in my life, only he knew how deeply I was hurting because he was hurting just as much. He’d hold me tight while I’d cry myself to sleep but no matter how much he tried to comfort me, I was inconsolable. The overwhelming feeling of grief, sadness, shock, disbelief, and even a strong sense of fault and regret consumed me. I found refuge in the arms of my heavenly Father. Most times I had no words, my prayer consisted solely of crying in His presence. I knelt at the foot of my bed and wept for hours on end. I’d walk into her fully decorated nursery and grab the tiny baby girl dresses that I had hanging in her closet and weep in the presence of God. I found comfort in my Father’s arms. But even in the midst of my grief there was peace. A peace that passed all understanding. (Phil 4:7) I felt God telling me time and time again to submit myself to His will because His ways were much greater.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Heb. 11:1)

I now have three beautiful healthy strong little ones that fill my life with so much happiness and joy! They are my greatest reward. When I look at them, I can hear God whispering into my ear, “Well done, good and faithful servant; in the little you were faithful, I will make you ruler over many things: enter into the joy of your Lord.” Keep your head strong and your heart focused on God and let Him lead you where He may. I can assure you, you will be blessed. My testimony now serves as a blessing to others and although I still feel pain when I think about my Iris, I know that Gods purpose for her in my life was much greater than I could have ever imagined! I’ll always miss never being able to hear her laugh or cry, never being able to hear her say her first word, take her first step, her first day of school, to watch her grow, but someday I will get to hold her again.

My children are so beautiful to me. On the days when I’m lost in the chaos that having three little ones can bring, I remind myself that I am blessed. I remember those long, dreary nights that I so desperately wanted to fill my arms with their presence and now I am rejoicing in this moment for my time has come! Keep your focus on God, He will see you through! Submit yourself to His complete will and watch His ultimate plan unfold in your life.

“God is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.” (Psalms 46:1)

Mom of an angel,

Rosalinda Serna

Autopilot

Have you ever gotten in your car and set on route to a destination only to arrive at your destination not really knowing how you got there? You went into autopilot. Your mind just kicked into gear and made every stop and every turn necessary to get you to where you needed to go. You took no time to enjoy the view. You missed the rainbow in the sky. You missed the sun peeking out through the clouds. You missed the little old man holding his wife’s hand as he walked her to the car. You even proceeded to get off and go inside and when you came out you couldn’t find your car in the parking area because you don’t even remember where you parked. Well the same thing can happen to us in life. We enter each day knowing our to-do list. Therefore, we proceed to take it on. At the end of the day we’re exhausted and head straight to bed. By the end of the week we find ourselves asking, “where has the week gone?”. We went through our days checking off our to-do list with no real recollection on how we did it all. We took little to no time to enjoy our children, our husband, or even ourselves.

The other day I found myself watching a video of Isaiah of when he was about 4 years old. I longed to reach into the video and hold him if even for a little while. Where has the time gone? Oh, how quickly he’s growing up! He’s not so tiny anymore. I’m sure there was definitely days when i was on autopilot, just trying to get through the day. I’m sure there’s been weeks during this past decade when I was too busy checking off my to-do list that I missed him learning something new. I know there was nights I was too tired to read him a bed time story. I know there was mornings I was too in a hurry to get him ready for school that I didn’t see how he needed a longer hug goodbye. While I’ve tried to be as present as possible in his life, (after all that is why I’m a stay at home mom) I am only human. I try to remind myself to slow down. The dishes will eventually get done, the laundry will inevitably get washed (even if it is at 1 am while everyone else sleeps).There will always be a to-do list waiting for you every morning when you wake up, but there will not always be little ones. Some day they will be grown, they will have moved out, they will be married raising a family of their own, but for now, in this moment they are ours. So lets hug our babies a little longer, read them that bedtime story they love so much, kiss them more than once goodnight, sit and watch the movie with them. Let’s get off autopilot and fly this plane ourselves.

Enjoy them for they’re only little for a little while.

Mom Blogger,

Rosalinda Serna

Learning As We Go

I remember the first night after I brought Isaiah home from the hospital. I was sure I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and was so worried I would make some dire mistake. I literally slept him in his bassinet right next to me with a video camera baby monitor facing right at him. I couldn’t sleep most of the night and kept rubbing his little nose to get him to move just so that I could make sure he was still breathing. I was overly paranoid and so was my dear husband. He would fall into deep sleep and wake up panicky, “El Niño!” he would yelp. “He’s fine.” I’d respond. The first few weeks or maybe even months I got almost no sleep at all. It wasn’t necessarily because the baby was keeping me up; it was rather my own paranoia that wouldn’t allow me to rest.

Even now, as my children are older I wonder if maybe I’m making irreparable mistakes that they will be forced to deal with for the rest of their lives. I wouldn’t refer to myself as a helicopter mom but I’m also far from the free-range parenting style. I try to set up barriers for my children that not only keep them safe physically, but also spiritually. I am far from being a “ perfect mom’’. I love my children more than anything in this entire world and it is by that love that I parent. There are times when I raise my voice and I later regret it. There are times that my impatience gets the best of me. While I hug them daily and tell them that I love them every chance I get, I am still human. I make mistakes. I let my guard down. I once heard a preaching where the preacher preached about how his parents thought he was the “perfect child”. If anyone ever came to them with a complaint about him, they’d be quick to dismiss them by saying “Not my child. My child is not like that.” Parents, we will never be able to predict every move our children will make. We learn them a little more with each day that passes. We, as parents, are going to make mistakes. It’s inevitable. However, we must always take a few steps back and learn from these mistakes. A while back my husband and I grounded my son for a few weeks for doing something he knew he should not be doing. I must confess that had we not witnessed it ourselves, I’d be extremely hesitant to believe it. It was very much outside of my child’s character or so I believed. Right when we think we have them all figured out, “BAM!”, they hit us with a side swing! I was meditating on a mother dear and close to me. I think she is one of the most poised and patient mothers I have ever met. She seems to know everything and to have always had it all together. Although her children are grown adults with kids of their own, they all posses profound love and respect for her. I think to myself, “Did this woman ever make any mistakes as a mother?” The Lord answered me with a quick “Of course, she did! She, too, is human. It is through her many years of parenting that she has gained even more insight and experience. She has learned from every mistake and grown from every challenge she has been confronted with.”

You see, there is no such thing as a perfect mom. We’re all just striving to be the best parent we can be for our kids. Dr. James Dobson said it best, “Raising healthy, well-educated, self-disciplined children who love God and their fellow human being is, I believe, the most challenging responsibility in living. Not even rocket science can approach it for complexity and unpredictability.” God designed our children precisely for us. We were not given them by mistake, but even more importantly, they were not given us by mistake. God has instilled in us, unequivocally and undoubtedly the components that we need to raise them well. Parenting is a process, a journey, an adventure! We are not asked to be perfect parents. We are all learning as we go. Our children will make mistakes. Our children will let us down from time to time. That doesn’t mean we fail in parenting. It simply means they, too, are human. So pray for them, encourage them, love them. Extend to them the same grace the God of the Universe extends to you daily.

Imperfect Mom,

Rosalinda Serna

Women of Virtue

As my children are growing, I have found myself noticing things that I had never truly noticed before. Everywhere I look and everywhere I turn women are, subconsciously, being told that who they are is not enough. There is a massive propaganda going on and it is completely invested in decreasing a woman’s self-worth. These magazines, commercials, billboard ads, Instagram photos, and Facebook posts; just to name a few, are constantly feeding into our minds that who we are and what we have is not enough. You see, if the world can decrease our self-worth, then they can, consequently, decrease our value. Our children are growing up in a world driven by vanity, lust, perversion, and greed! It is constantly being conveyed to them that the mere value of a woman is found in her appearance. I am on a quest to teach my children what it truly means to be a woman! A woman of virtue! We shall not be denigrated. God’s intention for every woman’s life is that of royalty! To objectify a woman is a direct insult to her creator. His purpose is much greater!

Strength and dignity are her clothing

And she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

“Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all.”

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

(Proverbs 31:25-30)

It is important for us to take a step back and re-evaluate our lives. God saw our worth before this world ever even met us. Compare your wants and desires to the wants and desires of God for your life. His intention for our life is so much more than what the world asks of us. There is none like you. You, whose heart loves wholly. You, who works passionately. You, who gives utterly. Your worth is invaluable. Hollywood cannot sell it and money cannot buy it. The enhancement of yourself does not come from a bottle. Your beauty is not measured by size, age, color, clothes, or sex appeal. Your value is beyond price. Invest in yourself through prayer and seeking guidance from your creator. It is vital to me that my little girl understands the true meaning of a woman. It is critical that my sons knows the true intention of God’s purpose for a woman. Let us work in unity to restore the definition of what it is to be beautiful. Let us be women of virtue. Let us inspire our girls to be women of virtue!

Rosalinda Serna

Christ-Centered Marriage in a Modern-Day World.

Before I ever met my husband, I prayed for him. Before I ever envisioned him, I prayed for him. Before I ever knew what it was to be in love, I prayed for him. Marrying a man of God was fundamentally imperative to me. I understood, even at such a young age, the importance of having a husband who looked to God first in everything.

Undeniably, months before I was to meet my husband, God placed it in my husband’s heart to begin to pray for his future wife. My husband recalls seeing me for the first time and knowing with certainty that I was the one he was to marry. After observing my husband and the way that he prayed at the altar, God began to reveal to me that he was the one that I was to marry. My love for God led me to my husband; just as his love for God led him to me. My husband is my best friend. He is a promise from God that I will have a friend forever.

After 14 years of marriage, prayer continues to be at the forefront of our relationship. God is whom leads us. Every decision made is made in respect to God’s will in our lives. In the most difficult of moments, and we’ve had our share, we have learned to trust God. Together, we strive to honor God and to raise a family who honors God. While we may not be perfect, we do serve a perfect God. It steadies my heart to know that my trust is not in my husband alone, but in that of the MOST HIGH GOD!

Mom Blogger,

Rosalinda Serna

Playground Confession

“Bella, what are you thinking?” I asked my 5-year-old as she stared across the dinner table in deep thought. She looked at me in awe as she responded, “Mom, how did you know I was thinking?” It’s interesting how we moms are designed to read our kids even better than they’re able to read themselves. As I began serving everyone their tea, Bella suddenly blurted out to my husband who was sitting in the chair next to her, ” Daddy! Joshua kissed me, but I didn’t let him!” You can only imagine a daddy’s reaction listening to his 5-year-old make such confession. “Whaaaat?!” he proclaimed. “I didn’t let him, Daddy! I didn’t! I moved! I don’t know why he did that!” She yelled defensively. “Honey, listen, she came to you. Don’t frighten her or she’ll never come to you again.” I whispered firmly to him. I watched as my husband regained his composure and hugged her, “Good job, mija, don’t be letting no boys kiss you and thank you for telling me.” They continued on in their conversation as I thought about what had just happened.

I sat there, proudly, watching my husband share an unforgettable moment with his little girl. She had come to him. She had confided in him and trusted that he would respond accordingly. I reflected on how much thought Bella had clearly put into what she was about to confess to her Daddy. I had seen a glimpse of her deep thought minutes before. I could now understand that she had been contemplating on whether or not to tell him. I know there’s no way on Earth I’d have made such confession to my Dad! Haha! This moment was much more than just a 5 year-olds playground confession. This was a moment brought on by a relationship they had built together. This was a moment created by all those times when he took the time to ask her about her day. All those moments when he warned her about “naughty boys” (lol). All those moments when they giggled and shared laughs on the living room floor.

Catherine M. Wallace once said, “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.” This is only the beginning of a lifetime of confessions. My prayer is that Bella, and all my children, will always be able to come to us. That we may continue to build a foundation of trust and of love. That night my husband went into Bella’s room with a beautiful, white, fluffy, plush unicorn that he had bought for her months before and had been holding onto until the perfect moment. She was ecstatic! She believes her daddy gave her the most precious gift ever, but in reality we both know, it was she who gave him something much greater, her confidence.

Rosalinda Serna

Raising Jesus-followers in a Modern Day World

I’ve been noticing for a while now that my 9-year-old, Isaiah, has been forgetting to say grace before consuming his meal. This can only mean one thing to me, if he’s not saying grace at home then he’s probably not saying grace at school; where he consumes most of his weekly meals. So, after a few times of reminding him, I asked him about it. “Isaiah, are you forgetting to say grace at school?” His response was pure honesty. “Mom, none of the kids at school pray. They always ask me what I’m doing. I get embarrassed.” I sat there for a few seconds contemplating on how to respond. After all, he is only 9 years old. It’s my desire that my children be completely in love with their creator and to reflect that everywhere they go. Without shame. Without reservation.

Isaiah has always been a child after God’s own heart. It’s his delight to honor God. Ever since he started school he has come home with all types of stories on how he would pray for his peers. “Mom, today I prayed for Adam because his tooth fell off and he wouldn’t stop bleeding. As soon as I was done praying the bleeding stopped.” “Mom, today I prayed for Joel because his dad is very sick in the hospital and he’s scared that his dad is going to die.” His faith never ceased to amaze me. At what point did he begin to feel embarrassed? How can I, as his mother, help him navigate through his emotions without hindering his faith. “Lord, give me words.” I secretly prayed. “Isaiah, it’s normal to not want to feel like an outcast; after all, it’s not always fun being different.” I said. “But, let me ask you this. How do you think God feels about you feeling too embarrassed to thank Him for what He’s given you?” “Well, He’s probably disappointed in me.” He responded. “Mijo, it’s an honor to be able to talk to God whenever we want. It brings God so much joy to hear your voice. God stops what He’s doing and asks all His angel to stay still. “LISTEN.” God says. “My son is calling My name. My son is thanking me!”” Isaiah’s eyes widen as a smile overtook his face.

Even at only 9 years old, Isaiah has already noticed the difference between his friends and himself. He is not allowed to play every video game his friends are allowed to play. He is not allowed to watch all the movies his friends are allowed to watch. He is not allowed to listen to all the music his friends listen to. I am careful on what I let my children watch. I try to preserve and guard their innocence as best that I can. All I will be able to take with me to heaven is my children. Nothing else. Nothing less. Their salvation is what’s most important to me. As his parent, it is my Christian obligation to cultivate his faith. As I am learning to parent my children, I’ve come to the realization that one of my biggest challenges as a mom is raising Jesus-followers in this modern-day world. In a world where humanity thrives on self-pleasure. In a world where we have everything we can ever want at the click of a button. In a world where everything is immoralized. Every morning that my children leave to school, I bless them in the name of Jesus. I remind them that they are the light of the world and that they have been set apart to serve and honor God and lead others to Him. I end with this verse. “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Rosalinda Serna

SAHM in a Modern Day World

It’s interesting how much things have changed from the time my mom was raising me to now that I am raising my own kids. My mom was a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) and I have chosen to be one as well. The trouble is, it feels as if I’m the only one out there in this vast world. Most of the moms my age seem to be out in the work field making a name for themselves. I’ve chosen to stay home and raise my children in a time where a woman is actually running to become President of the United States of America!

Anytime I’m asked what I do for a living, I get this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know what is to follow. I am made to feel shamed for choosing to stay home and raise my family. I haven’t fully come to understand why other women seem to be offended by my choice. As soon as I respond that I do not work outside of my house, I feel looked down upon. “Oh, I could never do that!” they say. There’s also the fake, but oh so sugar-coated, “Lucky you. It must be nice sleeping in.” As if SAHM actually get to sleep in.

Moms don’t really stay home anymore. Moms are now working just as many hours and bringing just as much money as their spouse is. I’ve chosen to be a SAHM to my 3 beautiful kids because that’s what brings me the most joy in life. I have a 3-year-old who is home with me all day, and a 5 and 9-year-old who go to school full day. I love being able to be available to my family at all times. I love that I have nothing else that occupies most of my day. Every family is unique, every family is different, and every family is beautiful. For me, staying home to raise my kids has been the best decision I’ve ever made! I’ve gotten to watch my kids grow. I’ve been the one to hear their first word. I’ve been the one to watch them take their first step. I’ve been the one who has kissed every “owie”. I feel honored and privileged to have been given such precious gifts. I owe it to them, to my husband, and to myself to be the best possible mom that I can be.

So no, I do not receive a paycheck with my name on it at the end of the week. No, I do not have my own corner office with a fancy name plaque sitting on my desk. No, no one calls me boss. I’m sure that if I really wanted all of that I could obtain it. For me, and where I am right now in life, raising my kids is what fulfills me. There will be a day when they will not need me as much anymore. When that day comes, I will be happy to be out creating a new title for myself, but as for now, Mom is best title I could ever have! I give daily, just as much as any working mom out there! I sacrifice daily, just as much as any working mom out there! We are not in competition with one another. We all love the same. We all work the same. We all give the same. We just do it differently. So don’t look down on me for parenting differently. We all rock! Let us all work together to bring up our children to become loving, kind, respectful, and independent young adults. We owe it to them, to this world, and to us. We are all on this journey together.

Rosalinda Serna