SAHM in a Modern-Day World – Traditional Mom

Advice from a SAHM

I got a social media memory this morning that made me smile. “Starting off my day making breakfast with a baby on my hip and another one tagging along behind me.” I’ve had many of those popping up these past few months. I love that I have all those memories saved from when my children were babies. I love that I have made the sacrifice to stay home and be here for them during their formative years.

As your children grow, so does your disposition. There is different seasons as a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). I just came out of one; the one where I had no time for myself because my baby, toddler, and kindergartner required all of me. That was a very beautiful and also challenging season for me. I have so many precious memories forever in graved in my mind of every sweet kiss and every tight hug, of every warm cuddle and every cute giggle. During this season, we took many trips to the park; we spent many afternoons visiting grandma. We worked on many crafts and watched tons of Disney movies.

As any SAHM can tell you, it is definitely difficult. It is made up of giving, giving, giving, and then giving some more.

If I can be candid with you who might be considering staying home with your little ones, there will be times when you struggle financially, emotionally, and physically, but I promise you there is no greater reward than to see your husband and children radiate joy when they speak of you.

If you choose to stay home to raise your kids, do it as best as humanly possible and let God do the rest. Wake up early to send your family off well prepared for the day. Keep as tidy as possible to receive your family as best as you can. Plan out your day wisely. Your time is precious. Don’t give in to wasteful and mindless things. I choose not to turn on my TV or take naps during the day. I plan out my day early in the morning. I make sure to schedule in my breaks, errands, and any appointments or school assemblies. There will be some off days, but try to not make it a habit.

Take care of yourself. It’s easy to get into a rut. Your days seem so long, and there is always too much to do. Take time to do your hair in the morning, just like you would if you were heading out to a regular job. Get dressed in casual, but presentable clothing. Educate yourself by reading books, listening to podcast, or my favorite listening to preachings on YouTube. Make sure you are always growing as a person, as a mom, as a wife, as a leader. Nourish your mind, spirit, and body. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it, and its also okay to take a day off every now and again. Make plans with friends occasionally. I love planning business lunch meetings with my husband. I get to spend time with him in the middle of a busy week!

I am currently in another season. My kids are all school aged and I have some alone time to work more on me and my goals. I have used this time to self-publish 3 children’s book. This was time-consuming and has been well worth it. I do book-readings at local churches. I’m very excited to see what else God has instore for me. I also still do bookkeeping for my husband’s business. I love that I get to have the best of both worlds. I still get to go to all of my kid’s assemblies. I still get to be the one to pick them up after school. I still have the privilege to have the time to hear all about their day.

If you are a SAHM and have a little extra time now that your kids are school-aged, look inside yourself. God has deposited precious gifts and talents into you. There will be times when you don’t fill the sense of fulfillment that having a job can bring. I have been there. I have prayed and ask God to help me find something I love to do that wouldn’t take too much time away from my family. I learned as I made up stories for my kids at bed-time how this was one of my gift I could use. A lot of SAHM I know have chosen to work from home. I know some that make bows or crafts or sell jewelry or pastries. Some make shirts or sew baby outfits to sell online. I have a fantastic niece who does photography and another who babysits. (You-tube is an incredible source that you can use to expand your knowledge and gain skill for your talent.)

It’s been ten years since I last worked for someone else. There have been times when I’ve allowed people outside of my family to undermine me and make me feel lesser than, but I know without a doubt that the sacrifice I have made to stay home has rewarded me with a loving home. I truly believe my family is better for it.

Lastly, being a SAHM is not for everyone. I know many fierce working moms, and they inspire me in many different ways. Choose what works best for you and your family, and be kind to those that choose differently than you.

Traditional Mom,

Rosalinda Serna

Autopilot

Have you ever gotten in your car and set on route to a destination only to arrive at your destination not really knowing how you got there? You went into autopilot. Your mind just kicked into gear and made every stop and every turn necessary to get you to where you needed to go. You took no time to enjoy the view. You missed the rainbow in the sky. You missed the sun peeking out through the clouds. You missed the little old man holding his wife’s hand as he walked her to the car. You even proceeded to get off and go inside and when you came out you couldn’t find your car in the parking area because you don’t even remember where you parked. Well the same thing can happen to us in life. We enter each day knowing our to-do list. Therefore, we proceed to take it on. At the end of the day we’re exhausted and head straight to bed. By the end of the week we find ourselves asking, “where has the week gone?”. We went through our days checking off our to-do list with no real recollection on how we did it all. We took little to no time to enjoy our children, our husband, or even ourselves.

The other day I found myself watching a video of Isaiah of when he was about 4 years old. I longed to reach into the video and hold him if even for a little while. Where has the time gone? Oh, how quickly he’s growing up! He’s not so tiny anymore. I’m sure there was definitely days when i was on autopilot, just trying to get through the day. I’m sure there’s been weeks during this past decade when I was too busy checking off my to-do list that I missed him learning something new. I know there was nights I was too tired to read him a bed time story. I know there was mornings I was too in a hurry to get him ready for school that I didn’t see how he needed a longer hug goodbye. While I’ve tried to be as present as possible in his life, (after all that is why I’m a stay at home mom) I am only human. I try to remind myself to slow down. The dishes will eventually get done, the laundry will inevitably get washed (even if it is at 1 am while everyone else sleeps).There will always be a to-do list waiting for you every morning when you wake up, but there will not always be little ones. Some day they will be grown, they will have moved out, they will be married raising a family of their own, but for now, in this moment they are ours. So lets hug our babies a little longer, read them that bedtime story they love so much, kiss them more than once goodnight, sit and watch the movie with them. Let’s get off autopilot and fly this plane ourselves.

Enjoy them for they’re only little for a little while.

Mom Blogger,

Rosalinda Serna

Learning As We Go

I remember the first night after I brought Isaiah home from the hospital. I was sure I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and was so worried I would make some dire mistake. I literally slept him in his bassinet right next to me with a video camera baby monitor facing right at him. I couldn’t sleep most of the night and kept rubbing his little nose to get him to move just so that I could make sure he was still breathing. I was overly paranoid and so was my dear husband. He would fall into deep sleep and wake up panicky, “El Niño!” he would yelp. “He’s fine.” I’d respond. The first few weeks or maybe even months I got almost no sleep at all. It wasn’t necessarily because the baby was keeping me up; it was rather my own paranoia that wouldn’t allow me to rest.

Even now, as my children are older I wonder if maybe I’m making irreparable mistakes that they will be forced to deal with for the rest of their lives. I wouldn’t refer to myself as a helicopter mom but I’m also far from the free-range parenting style. I try to set up barriers for my children that not only keep them safe physically, but also spiritually. I am far from being a “ perfect mom’’. I love my children more than anything in this entire world and it is by that love that I parent. There are times when I raise my voice and I later regret it. There are times that my impatience gets the best of me. While I hug them daily and tell them that I love them every chance I get, I am still human. I make mistakes. I let my guard down. I once heard a preaching where the preacher preached about how his parents thought he was the “perfect child”. If anyone ever came to them with a complaint about him, they’d be quick to dismiss them by saying “Not my child. My child is not like that.” Parents, we will never be able to predict every move our children will make. We learn them a little more with each day that passes. We, as parents, are going to make mistakes. It’s inevitable. However, we must always take a few steps back and learn from these mistakes. A while back my husband and I grounded my son for a few weeks for doing something he knew he should not be doing. I must confess that had we not witnessed it ourselves, I’d be extremely hesitant to believe it. It was very much outside of my child’s character or so I believed. Right when we think we have them all figured out, “BAM!”, they hit us with a side swing! I was meditating on a mother dear and close to me. I think she is one of the most poised and patient mothers I have ever met. She seems to know everything and to have always had it all together. Although her children are grown adults with kids of their own, they all posses profound love and respect for her. I think to myself, “Did this woman ever make any mistakes as a mother?” The Lord answered me with a quick “Of course, she did! She, too, is human. It is through her many years of parenting that she has gained even more insight and experience. She has learned from every mistake and grown from every challenge she has been confronted with.”

You see, there is no such thing as a perfect mom. We’re all just striving to be the best parent we can be for our kids. Dr. James Dobson said it best, “Raising healthy, well-educated, self-disciplined children who love God and their fellow human being is, I believe, the most challenging responsibility in living. Not even rocket science can approach it for complexity and unpredictability.” God designed our children precisely for us. We were not given them by mistake, but even more importantly, they were not given us by mistake. God has instilled in us, unequivocally and undoubtedly the components that we need to raise them well. Parenting is a process, a journey, an adventure! We are not asked to be perfect parents. We are all learning as we go. Our children will make mistakes. Our children will let us down from time to time. That doesn’t mean we fail in parenting. It simply means they, too, are human. So pray for them, encourage them, love them. Extend to them the same grace the God of the Universe extends to you daily.

Imperfect Mom,

Rosalinda Serna

Women of Virtue

As my children are growing, I have found myself noticing things that I had never truly noticed before. Everywhere I look and everywhere I turn women are, subconsciously, being told that who they are is not enough. There is a massive propaganda going on and it is completely invested in decreasing a woman’s self-worth. These magazines, commercials, billboard ads, Instagram photos, and Facebook posts; just to name a few, are constantly feeding into our minds that who we are and what we have is not enough. You see, if the world can decrease our self-worth, then they can, consequently, decrease our value. Our children are growing up in a world driven by vanity, lust, perversion, and greed! It is constantly being conveyed to them that the mere value of a woman is found in her appearance. I am on a quest to teach my children what it truly means to be a woman! A woman of virtue! We shall not be denigrated. God’s intention for every woman’s life is that of royalty! To objectify a woman is a direct insult to her creator. His purpose is much greater!

Strength and dignity are her clothing

And she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

“Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all.”

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

(Proverbs 31:25-30)

It is important for us to take a step back and re-evaluate our lives. God saw our worth before this world ever even met us. Compare your wants and desires to the wants and desires of God for your life. His intention for our life is so much more than what the world asks of us. There is none like you. You, whose heart loves wholly. You, who works passionately. You, who gives utterly. Your worth is invaluable. Hollywood cannot sell it and money cannot buy it. The enhancement of yourself does not come from a bottle. Your beauty is not measured by size, age, color, clothes, or sex appeal. Your value is beyond price. Invest in yourself through prayer and seeking guidance from your creator. It is vital to me that my little girl understands the true meaning of a woman. It is critical that my sons knows the true intention of God’s purpose for a woman. Let us work in unity to restore the definition of what it is to be beautiful. Let us be women of virtue. Let us inspire our girls to be women of virtue!

Rosalinda Serna

SAHM in a Modern Day World

It’s interesting how much things have changed from the time my mom was raising me to now that I am raising my own kids. My mom was a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) and I have chosen to be one as well. The trouble is, it feels as if I’m the only one out there in this vast world. Most of the moms my age seem to be out in the work field making a name for themselves. I’ve chosen to stay home and raise my children in a time where a woman is actually running to become President of the United States of America!

Anytime I’m asked what I do for a living, I get this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know what is to follow. I am made to feel shamed for choosing to stay home and raise my family. I haven’t fully come to understand why other women seem to be offended by my choice. As soon as I respond that I do not work outside of my house, I feel looked down upon. “Oh, I could never do that!” they say. There’s also the fake, but oh so sugar-coated, “Lucky you. It must be nice sleeping in.” As if SAHM actually get to sleep in.

Moms don’t really stay home anymore. Moms are now working just as many hours and bringing just as much money as their spouse is. I’ve chosen to be a SAHM to my 3 beautiful kids because that’s what brings me the most joy in life. I have a 3-year-old who is home with me all day, and a 5 and 9-year-old who go to school full day. I love being able to be available to my family at all times. I love that I have nothing else that occupies most of my day. Every family is unique, every family is different, and every family is beautiful. For me, staying home to raise my kids has been the best decision I’ve ever made! I’ve gotten to watch my kids grow. I’ve been the one to hear their first word. I’ve been the one to watch them take their first step. I’ve been the one who has kissed every “owie”. I feel honored and privileged to have been given such precious gifts. I owe it to them, to my husband, and to myself to be the best possible mom that I can be.

So no, I do not receive a paycheck with my name on it at the end of the week. No, I do not have my own corner office with a fancy name plaque sitting on my desk. No, no one calls me boss. I’m sure that if I really wanted all of that I could obtain it. For me, and where I am right now in life, raising my kids is what fulfills me. There will be a day when they will not need me as much anymore. When that day comes, I will be happy to be out creating a new title for myself, but as for now, Mom is best title I could ever have! I give daily, just as much as any working mom out there! I sacrifice daily, just as much as any working mom out there! We are not in competition with one another. We all love the same. We all work the same. We all give the same. We just do it differently. So don’t look down on me for parenting differently. We all rock! Let us all work together to bring up our children to become loving, kind, respectful, and independent young adults. We owe it to them, to this world, and to us. We are all on this journey together.

Rosalinda Serna